Binary Badass

It is that time of the year when I basically disappear into thin air. Essentially, I turn off the Blackberry and my e-mail and book a plane ticket for sunny Mexico to go cave diving. This year is no different except for the fact that I had to make all of my own travel arrangements which really isn’t that difficult to do since anyone can book a plane ticket online. Little did I know what I was getting myself into.

While shopping around (admittedly late) for the best airfare, I took notice at two airlines operating out of Pittsburgh International Airport; USA3000 and US Airways. USA3000 offered direct non-stop flights from PIT to CUN (Cancun), but at inconvenient dates for my travel and work plans, so I reluctantly booked on US Airways. I say reluctantly because the last time I flew on them, I got stranded in PHL on my way to YUL (Montreal).

Against my better judgment, I booked the ticket. The night before I was set to fly, I went to check in online and print my boarding pass. As I did this, I realized that my name was slightly messed up. It was spelled right, but it had my middle initial concatenated on the end of it. So essentially, ZACHARY H turned into ZACHARYH. This caused enough distress that I didn’t sleep that night. Turns out that this would be the least of my troubles.

So, at approximately 4:45 AM, my phone rings and its a computer calling to tell me that my flight from PIT to CLT (Charlotte) had been canceled. I called their number and waited around for about 20 minutes before I got an answer; the answer was, “Your flight was canceled but has been reinstated, you should get to the airport.”

15 minutes later, I arrived at PIT and headed for the check-in line. The check-in line took approximately 20-30 minutes to get through and deadlocked at several points because of their asinine policies on checked baggage which forced customers to unpack/repack/weigh their bags that they already had to pay to check. After explaining to the check-in agent about my early morning phone call, she rebooked me through PHL (Philadelphia). Against my better judgment, I accepted this and proceeded through the security checkpoint. As I was approaching my gate, I noticed that there was a long line of people at their sterile-side customer service desk and thought, “This can’t be good”. So I grabbed an Egg McMuffin and headed right to my gate.

After boarding the plane, I settled into my seat and tried to get comfortable on their Reagan-era Boeing 737-200 that was going to take me from PIT to PHL. As the plane started taxiing out of the gate, I thought that all would be ok and I fell asleep only to be awoken when the plane came to a halt and the pilot annouced that they were clearing off the runway in PHL and that we would be on the ground for an hour. Out of boredom, I fell back asleep and was awoken by another announcement which said that we would be delayed by another hour. Finally, the plane took off and got to PHL. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait forever in a holding pattern and our plane landed.

Upon heading to the nearest flight status monitor, I noticed something both hilarious and disconcerting. All of the monitors were completely whited out and said, “Service Unavailable” on them. I headed to the customer service desk. Is it sad that I didn’t have to figure out where it was, but that I knew exactly where it was from my Montreal trip?

Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

I waited in line for about an hour and a half with deadlocking agents all the way. Pretty funny that I had been traveling for about 3 hours and never even left the state of Pennsylvania, eh? I remained perfectly polite and calm when I reached the desk because I know from experience that yelling and making unreasonable demands will get you nowhere. The agent initially gave me some bad news, that I might not make it to CUN that day. Mind you, I’ve already been delayed for about 3 hours at this point. She gasped when she discovered that there was room on a flight that was leaving in 15 minutes. She said, “I can get you on that plane, but you have to run”. She got me booked and I ran like a bat out of hell to my gate. (Note to readers, if you saw some guy who was wearing a t-shirt that said Google Pittsburgh dashing through the Philadelphia airport on Saturday, December 22, 2008 and standing at a gate out of breath, that was me.)

Upon arriving at the gate, I looked at the ticket to see my seat assignment and I noticed that it said 3A. I realized that I was flying First Class! How this happened, I have no idea, but needless to say, I was pleased. The gate area was packed full because out of the two flights to Cancun that morning, one was canceled and all of those passengers were forced standby onto the next flight. Not only that, the flight that I was trying to get on was so late that the next flight departing from that gate had their passengers there waiting as well! I felt kind of bad because I had a booked and confirmed ticket on the next flight out and not only that, it was first class and there were still families stranded there.

First Class

After boarding the Airbus A320 and getting settled in, the pilot told us that we would be delayed by approximately 20 minutes because they were trying to get the weight adjustment right in the cargo hold and that we would be taking on several standby passengers to fill the rest of the plane. That said, it took a lot longer than that, approximately 2 hours longer. So finally, the plane pushed back from the gate, taxied to the runway and took off and I was on my way to sunny Cancun. When the flight attendant asked me if I wanted a drink, my response was, “Whats the strongest stuff you have on board?”

All things considered, this ordeal was nothing compared to what I know some of the other people in PHL had to suffer through. One person I was talking to in line had just come home from Cancun and was trying to get home. She said that they got to PHL the day before and their next flight out was the following evening at 8:30 pm. I just thought to myself, “How does that happen?” That is something I’ll save for when I get home; if I get home.

The moral of this whole story and experience is:

1. Quadruple-check your booking information.
2. Never fly during busy holiday travel days.
3. NEVER fly to or through Philadelphia; drive, take a bus or the train.
4. Remain polite.
5. Keep a sense of humor.
6. If you get upgraded to first class, take it.
7. Expect the unexpected.